One thing I love about the 90-live days challenge I'm doing at the moment on the Be Water Yoga and Coaching facebook page is that my daily life becomes my teacher that I can then share with my viewers. I was blessed recently with my soul sister that I met at my Yoga Teacher Training in Bali visiting my in the UK. On one of our long walks in the evening walking Joey, our dog; I was very thankful for my gift of articulation as we discussed a topic that is quite often misunderstood in today's world.
Dreading the thought of past relationships that go south.
Hating our ex.
What is a soul mate?
I first realised what I am about to explain now, when I was at uni. I mentioned it in my blog post ''Top Things I Learnt from Uni that aren't my Degree''. After the same topic coming up again with my friend the other day, I based Day 32 of the 90-live days challenge and on it and now I want to expand on why we never stop loving and why regret is a waste of energy.
We are attracted to people for a reason. Because with everyone we ever interact with we have something to exchange and grow from. That is why we attract them. Some people come into our lives to teach us one thing. They might not even know what it is. In fact most people are forever confused about how the hell someone has ended up in their lives. A person that treats us like dirt may be there in our lives for us to realise our self worth and that we don't deserve to be treated in that way. But on the other hand we might meet someone super empowering that teaches us that we're not just a leaf in the storm. We have the reins and its not about what happens to us, it's about what we choose to do about what happens to us. Most of the growth that happens through interactions with people we attract, never get verbalised, but can be felt and acknowledged.
This can be with someone that we meet for an hour, a friend we are close with for a year or a romantic relationship we have. But however long the relationship lasted, we had it for a reason and it had to happen in order for us to be who we are today.
When the lesson that we need to learn is learnt and we have grown; the attraction fizzles out, the relationship has served its purpose and its time to let go. This is why holding on to dead relationships does not serve us. It was right at the time but now it is like a tree holding onto its dead leaves. Recognizing when its time to let go is a very humble and empowering act.
However, there is an exception for this. If the two people who are attracted to each other both learn what the other has to teach them, they both grow. From this growth they now have something new to exchange and teach. They grow the learn, they grow more they learn more. This sustainable elevator model is the key to life-long relationships. Soul mates perhaps we could call them. Or soul sisters, brothers.
If a lesson stays unlearnt it will keep on repeating itself until it is learnt. This can be in the form of
1) Vicious cycles in relationships which can easily turn toxic
2) Attracting the same type of people over and over again into our lives (romantic and other)
All the more reason to ask: What am I learning from this relationship. Why did I attract them into my life. How can I grow from this?
''Change is the only constant'' Heraclitus (A Greek philosopher)
Embrace it. Enjoy it.
On the 7th of July, I announced that I was going to make a live video every day for the next 90 days.
This sounds like an awfully long time, and it is! And that is exactly the point.
My soul calling is to help young people navigate a pathway in their lives in line with who they are while providing the tools for them to do just that, to fly. We live in a world, designed more like railway tracks. Major decisions that dictate the direction we will be travelling in for the rest of our lives are often affected by external factors like tradition, expectation, status, money. Its not uncommon to get to 40 and look back on your life to say, ''Is this it? Is this all there is?''. The more we connect to our inner purpose, the more we live our life on our own terms.
So there; yoga to connect to an inner purpose, and coaching to give the mental tools to achieve what the soul desires.
Yet; however loud and clear this message is inside of me, it is only effective when it reaches the right people. Its a noisy world, and everyone wants their message to spread. Whether that's their Instagram post, something they're selling, their video. A lot of stuff are demanding our attention.
And even though I love giving private yoga classes and running breakthrough coaching sessions, I found that the self marketing side of it didn't come to me naturally at all! Its because I just felt like another person demanding attention.
Over time, it became clear to me that it isn't about me demanding attention, its me taking responsibility for delivering value to as many people as possible.
So I journaled. How can I deliver value, and make it accessible to everyone? My core intention wasn't coming across clearly. I needed to produce more consistent, value-adding material. I needed to find my own voice in comfortably and confidently talking about what I am most passionate about. And most importantly, make my material less about me and more about you.
The 90 live days challange is a commitment. To myself and to everyone it reaches. And the best thing about it is that I am learning as I go, while helping others grow.
There are some days where I really don't want to do one. But I film a video anyway, because it isn't about me after all.
My motto? Stay real. Add value. Share joy.
Namaskar (The light inside me, bows down to the light inside you)
Follow Be Water's 90 live days challange on Be Water Yoga and Coaching.
Alara is a WHY discovery coach, NLP practitioner, a Rite of Passage Facilitator and a Yoga/Meditation teacher. She specialises in helping business owners find and articulate their vision.